It was this last transition; from our friend’s house to our place that has been the most difficult by far. Tuesday, Jim and I cleaned our place. It was like wiping out the inside of a chimney. For some reason the windows were open when we arrived and we assume they have been open for most of the last year. I had heard that the pollution of Seoul is something to be concerned about; wiping soot off of my floor and countertops brought new meaning to the breathing masks that children and adults are wearing around town. “Should we wear them too?” I wonder when we are out and about walking. We did buy two air purifiers for our place.Friday, the movers came into our lovely, clean, and empty apartment, took out our di
ning room window and started to lift all of my belongings up a huge ladder-lift and into my home. I have been so overwhelmed with my life and now the boxes of stuff that my five children have been opening and throwing around our home much, much faster than I can find a place for it has just about pushed me completely over the ed
ge. Endless mounds of toys and clothes and papers and books. How can there be this much stuff? I have cried and cried. I have yelled. And under it all I have had these huge fears that if I put my stuff away and settle here, how and when will I ever get back to the states? Putting my things away here makes it all real and I’m just not so sure I want this to be real. I guess its all part of the transition and not knowing the end makes it tough to accept. It’s been a mountain.I am over half done unpacking; my place is beginning to feel like home. Each box I unpack is so full of memories of my family and friends I almost feel like they might come walking in on me and see me thinking about them. I can smell Lake Michigan, or the woods of Walden Pond, or the Mountains of Utah. It is all around me, even the children feel it. With this dear familiarity the anxiety and fear is subsiding.
Last night I asked my children to share their interpretation of the best and worst of Korea:
The best
Gracie: Unpacking all my stuff: like my stuffed animals, books and treasure box
Miri: Yummy rice-cake cookies that only cost 1,700 won.
Anna: Bailey Morris is here at Korea
James: To go upstairs and sleep in it
Jim: A real job
Maggie: Having my own room
Mom: The people are patient and kind
The worst
Anna: At school when you play tennis with balloons this girl was bossing me so I finally got brave enough to say “This is just for fun, calm down” – and she did.
James: We never lived here in our whole entire life. (Amen to that James)
Miri: School is twice as far away.
Gracie: Crowded streets and zooming cars.
Maggie: Marble floors.
Daddy: Still in boxes
Mom: It’s often not what you think it is, i.e.: oven, washer/dryer, beds, tortilla chips etc….and if you can’t plug it in, you can’t use it. Think about that one next time you use something plugged in.
9 comments:
I have had to read your blog several times. I'm overwhelmed just reading it. I can sort of identify with your feelings of unpacking and finding places to put everything and not wanting to think about it being permanent. I had that same feeling when we moved to Boston--I kept thinking I'm going to have to move all this stuff back to Bountiful--but of course I knew when that would be--and it was still difficult. I'm sorry, I can't find anything comforting or positive to say at this post. Maybe I'll think of something later. We have rice cakes here. Maybe I'll buy a bag, eat some and think of you. But I'm positive they're not the same thing Miri is talking about.
You were able to update your blog!!! I check it everyday!!! You finally moved into your home. Now you can unpack and hopefully begin to feel like you belong somewhere. I can't even imagine how hard it must have been to live out of suitcases for so long. I am sure that is nothing compared to everything else that has been going on in your life. Isn't it funny how you can pack something up, even for the shortest time and when you unpack it you are reminded of so many things. I am glad that you have those things to remind you of your family and friends. And Especially America!!!! We Love you
All I can say is darn the mountains! Do we have to climb them? I am thinking of you during this hard transition. I wish it could be wonderful and fantastic and glorious, instead of hard and unknown and overwhelming. I am happy for you that you have a home for your family and the people are patient and kind. Keep climbing, Kim, you are a survivor!
Hi Kim- Wow you are half unpacked? You are doing better than me. We moved last May and I am still only about half unpacked. And soon the baby will be coming. I have to say moving and unpacking and getting settled somewhere is honestly one of the wort things there is. I only moved 10 minutes away, it's been almost a year and I'm still trying to recover from it. And would you like to hear more about my mountain? Yesterday I slipped and fell down our stairs and broke my morton toe, jammed my big toe and twisted my ankle. I'm so discouraged my house is an absolute wreck. I was miserable enough just being 7 months pregnant. I already feel like I can't move around and am trapped in a big uncomfortable body. Now I have to hobble around which is making my misery all the worse. I feel so trapped inside my body. I want out!!!! And the cherry on the cake of my life is Meghan came home from school today with pink eye. I guess we are off to urgent care to get some anti biotic drops. Maybe I'll ask the doc to look at my toe. But what can you do for a broken toe? Bright side. At least I'm near american medicine. See, your misery helps me to keep my misery in perspective. smile Love ya, Natalie
Hi, I linked your blog because of the post Behka wrote about you. I m currently living in Italy with my husband and 3 kids. We've been here a year and have about 6 months left?? It's up in the air. But Reading your posts made me cry a little. It reminded me of the feeling I had when we got here, jet lagged, "where is the store", how long will it take to learn the language! Just that lost out of my comfort zone did we really have to uproot and come here feeling. Good Luck and it will get better, your not alone.
Thanks for your blog. We are here crying with you and laughing with you. I still haven't unpacked my stuff from moving two years ago. Jared said we'd only live here a few months. One year at the absolute most. Up until now I've refused to fix anything or invest any time in making this house nicer because it seemed like it would be the biggest waste of time and money. But now I've finally made a set of curtains and Jared put some lights up in the living room. It's owning up to the fact that we do actually live here and we will continue to live here for some undetermined length of time. I guess the trick is to try to enjoy what is happening at the moment. That sure is hard, unless you are eating delicious food or doing some exhilarating activity! So my advice is to eat some delicious food and do some really fun stuff with your family : )
We love you.
This one was so hilarous. I think in your next blog you should write about how great of a cleaner upper I am.(Jus Kidding.) Maggie's favorite was funny, but true.
I loved reading your blog. You are so real and an amazing writer. It brought back some similar emotions from the inital move. I thought our transition was so smooth but reading this helped me remember those initial emotions of moving to a strange place far far far from home. It's crazy that it has been long enough that this is our home. I love the journaling and the comments from everyone. I hope you keep it up. Maybe it will motivate me to do something.
now that we walk alone it does not seam so far away, I still love the rice cakes that onley cost 1,700 won LOVE THE BLOG
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